I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
