Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I would ride that face into the sunset
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
