Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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