No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
