You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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