He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
