twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
