Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
