Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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