Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
