is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
