I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and she was petting her beer can
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
