If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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