found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
