It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
