its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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