i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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