I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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