By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
