Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just pee around me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
