he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
