Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
