Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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