so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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