I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
