I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
