The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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