going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
