We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
