yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
