i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
