Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
