Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
