Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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