there's paper in my vomit.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
