wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
