I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
