Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
