My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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