i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
