i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
