My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
