u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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