Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
