Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
