Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
