I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
