true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
