Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
