Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
