so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
