she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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