why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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