p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
