Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
