It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
